Sunday 8 June 2008

Name a big river...

Denial - that's me, hello.

Still reluctant to accept that the POF is permanent. Thought about it briefly this week, and it hurt so much I have decided that for now I'm safer in this here river. If I get another few years down the line and the POF still hasnt reversed, maybe then I will be able to accept it.

Basically I am still looking for answers, and not ready to give up.

Last week I made a possibly controversial decision. I realised how ill I felt, and how much weight (2.5 stone) I had gained since I came off the pill, and almost like in the cartoons, a light came on, and I decided to take the pill again. I had 2 packs left from before, and as I dont see the GYN until July 24, I figure as long as I stop about 2 weeks before then, I should be okay.

The difference this has made has been astounding, I already feel better, less than a week in. I went swimming yesterday, and back again today, which is almost unbelievable. I even joined the gym. Just hope it works this time.

I also had a bit of a revelation, I think I might have Cushings Syndrome, I have every single symptom on the list and will speak to the GYN about this when I see her. I also think this could be related to continued use of asthma medications. If I do, it could be reversed by stopping the meds, which I will try, or at least reduce the amount I take it.

I know I might be clutching at straws, very much so, but as I said before, I need to be able to do this, for now at least.

4 comments:

Smiling said...

Just popping in to say hello today... best of luck in searching for answers. I reckon that if the birth control makes you feel better, then GREAT! Particularly coupled with excercise. If you ended up really having POF, you've basically done a high dose of hormone replacement (which is what the dr want people with POF to do -- and what I am in major denial about:) and if it is something else it is always good to look into the other possibilities. Plus a couple months of BCP probably can't hurt too much if you are actually feeling better on them (I always feel so much worse on them, fueling my denial over my need to consider HRT).

It is best to get answers, for your health and for you sanity - at least that is my opinion:)

Wishing you luck as you search for answers! I think it would be crazy to take on big diagnosis like POF without doing some questioning... particularly if you think you might have something else that requires a different treatment.

Petunia said...

Thank you, I cant tell you how much it helps to have you say that.

Everyone else seems to think I should just accept it as POF and deal with it. I'm just not ready to do that.

I've heard that it takes trial and error to get the right HRT or BCP, and am not looking forward to that bit, but I feel so crap off the BCP that it cant hurt to try.

Smiling said...

If there was a serious risk of denial, well that is one thing... but as I understand it POF isn't a super risky thing unless you completely don't take care of your bones and heart - which we probably should do as women anyway:)

If you have it and it takes a few month-years to accept it, you'll probably be fine if you are smart about your health. Most of the poeple I know with it were not diagnsosed for years... so what's a bit more time to come to terms with it eh?

If you don't have it, well you probably want to sort what you do have because it might be something more serious than POF that needs addressing straight away.

As far as I can tell, the best doctors can do currently for POF is HRT and donor eggs if fertility is a concern for the patient. Those of us with it can make sure we do weight baring excercise and get enough calcium/vitamins.

Given that that is the 'treatment,' so long as you do the excercise bit and vitamin bit and as an added bonus do the birth contorl bit (hormones), I reckon you can take a bit of time to sort it out.

Not that one can 'rush' to acceptance anyway.

I've been coming to terms with my ovaries croaking on me for years... and my first bone scan after my diagnosis was great. I was doing heaps of walking with heavy bags on my back, taking prenatals, and eating well. So all that time without 'knowing' didn't seem to have hurt me health wise too much. Not that I'm a doctor or anything:)

Petunia said...

Thats good that it hasnt done you too much damage going without HRT for so long, it helps that you look after yourself I guess.

I dont really, but I am starting too now. I have had a bone density scan before as I was on Depo for years and there is already bone loss, still took them another 2 years to realise about the POF though, which was helpful of them. I guess I should probably have another, but the waiting lists are about a year long.

I read that vitD helps with the bone loss thing, so I am taking that in addition to the other vits.

When they first told me about the bone loss they told me 'eat brocolli and dont do any high impact exercise'. Doctors, eh?