Well. It's happening

I'm going to lose my job, probably in the next few weeks.

So now I have to find a new one, and work out whether we can still go on our trip at the end of November. If I lose my job before we go I can claim off my travel insurance, but if its afterwards, or if I leave first, we wont get our money back, so will probably be going anyway.

The hardest part, that is really killing me, is that I will have to at least postpone the DE IVF. There is just no way we can have the money sorted in time now, and if I am in a new job, I dont feel I will have been there long enough to go on maternity leave.

Its just another road block on the path for us.

I have to say that I am starting to wonder why this keeps happening to us. Is it some sort of punishment for something, or is it Gods way of telling us that children are just not in our future? I'm finding it really hard to work this out in my head, and I dont really know what to think or how to work it out. I dont know what to do next.

Not having a good day

I found out this morning that I am facing redundancy.

This could not have come at a worse time.

We will now probably have to cancel our trip, and more importantly, cancel the IVF as even if I get a new job soon, I wont be in it very long when September comes around.

I'm having a drink tonight, I need it. Then job hunting I go.

*Edit* Oops - redundancy, for the non-80s thatcherites, is when a workplace have more staff than they have work for anymore, and they let some of them go, I don't know what the equivalent term is, but am open to enlightenment. Basically I am about to lose my job.

My cat sure loves me:)

How is everyone today?

I'm back from my latest conference, and shattered, so about to head to bed. Am scouring the net for T-Shirts for our trip with characters on them, as I doubt I will find them in my size over there, much fun.

Battynurse, your profile pic always makes me smile, and I had to share this. When I was away last week I found an adorable little santa costume for dogs. I'm rubbish at guessing the size of my dog when she's not there, so I bought it, and it didn't come close to her, but it did fit one of my cats. My 10 year old, male cat. He was so adorable in it, but my word, he was not amused!!! The look on his face was priceless, and I cant wait for Christmas now so I can dress him up for the whole day:)

Crazy busy these days

Again, I would like to thank everyone for your kind words and support earlier, it means so much to me.

I'm crazy busy at the moment with work, I was away all last week, and am off for another conference tomorrow.

We changed our holiday plans for next month, and have booked a French theme park, run by a mouse with large ears!!! Very excited!

We are also looking into another holiday in March for our wedding anniversary, and looking for somewhere we wouldn't be able to go again after the IVF.

Off to do some packing,

take care

Thank you

For your comforting words.

After thinking it over, he obviously had some issues, and was simply just not a very nice man. I wont be making the mistake of seeing him again.

I feel comfortable with our decision to use donor eggs, we want children, and although I have a tiny chance of having one with my own eggs, it would take potentially decades, which we dont want. So we are still all go.

Countdown begins, 3rd September 2009, here I come.

I started my new patch HRT today, so far no problemo, only time will tell I guess.

In other news, we have decided we need a holiday, so are looking at going to Iceland at the end of November. I know they are having economic problems, but hopefully that wont affect us too much, and we get to go to the blue lagoon and do some snowmobiling!!

Feel like I've been slapped

I'm sorry, but warning in advance that this post is not particularly nice.

I started out today very happy and positive, I just got my appointment for donor IVF in September.

I had to go to the doctor after work for my HRT, not my usual doctor, but I wasn't bothered. We were talking about things, and I told him I was going for the IVF next year.

This is when things took a turn for the worse. He was not at all supportive, and tried to put me off, I was hysterical by the end and till am.

I didnt tell him which clinic or anything, but he told me it would be a con, and that there success rates would only be about 20% really, and it probably wont work, and that I will end up with a 'scrambled baby' because the donors will be women who walk in off the streets looking for money for drugs, and they wont be screened properly, and would all lie about medical history anyway.

He asked me why wont I just adopt, and that all I am doing is having someone elses baby anyway, so why not just adopt. When I said we had originally wanted 4 children, he said that was ridiculous anyway, and we could adopt a family of 4 instead, and having a baby is more than having a pet.

And he went on about how with IVF they just fill you full of unnatural drugs (after giving me a prescription for hrt and antidepressants) and kept asking why we wouldnt adopt instead of this.

I just dont understand, every other doctor I have seen has told me straight away to have donor IVF, and my gyno told me to go abroad, its not like this is something I have chosen to do, its the only way.

I'm absolutely gutted right now, and cant think straight, and am terrified, what if he is right?

I just dont know what to think.

Decision Time

I haven't been around much, I know, and it's terrible. Bad llama.

I can only apologise, I've had to get a lot straight in my head. We got a new baby nephew about 2 weeks ago, and I've found it very hard.

I saw my consultant again last week, the same day I bought the new baby gift. It went much better this time, she almost agreed to let me try some fertility drugs, and suggested I ask my own GP to try it, and if that fails, to write to the governing body for fertility treatment. So today I wrote to them, and I see a GP on Monday (not my own though, couldnt get an appointment) I also got her to change my HRT to patches.

In spite of all of this, we have decided to go ahead with donor IVF. It will take about a year to hit the top of the waiting list in our chosen clinic, so we have put our names down, so if we dont get a miracle in the next year, we will always have this.

I am feeling better having made this decision, it's almost like a weight has been lifted, I can see a way out, even if it's not the way I had originally planned.

In other news, MrP is working full time again, and bought a new car, still not sold our house, and probably wont, am generally feeling okay again. But still on the happy pills. Not been sleeping as well since getting the bed to myself all again. Think that's about it really.

Sorry this is a pretty brief post, but I am feeling really tired and oddly a bit lightheaded, so take care and goodnight.